Stay Married

Last month at my church the talk centered around marriage. The title of the talk was "Who the (Bleep) did I marry". It has been great re-learning somethings, (a lot of things) and knowing that I am doing ok in others. Pastor Dave showed us a picture that showed a triangle and at the bottom left it said Husband, bottom right Wife with an arrow going between. The arrows both from the husband and wife up to the point which said God. The whole meaning behind it was. If you want to grow closer to your partner grow closer to God. 

I have not kept it from anyone that Chris and I have had hard seasons in our marriage. We have been married for over 15 years, so yeah we are going to have issues. We happen to be going through one in the last few months.  

I hold grudges. 

If I have felt like I wasn't treated fairly then I am mad. I have been feeling this way for many years. I think that marriage is a give and take and I have felt like I have given a lot more. Now with going through these last few weeks of the talk at church. I know that I need to let it go. That I need to move forward and not let that hold me back. I have taken my vows seriously, and I am not giving up on my marriage. That being said, I have no idea how to do it. 

No kidding. 

Just this morning I was telling Chris how in high school, I had went to the CLC Vocational campus to learn how to do hair. I was in the bathroom during a break and I had an adult teacher pull me out of the stall and tell me to come with her. (She wouldn't even let me wash my hands) She takes me into the hall and in front of the principle and my instructor tells them I was smoking in the bathroom. Now this is where I was about to flip out, even now I am pissed. I don't smoke, I have never smoked, and never would. 

She lied. 

She lied to my principle. She lied to my instructor. She lied about me. An adult teacher. Now I understand, everyone makes mistakes. This was not a mistake, this was a bold face lie. (Yup, I can feel my blood pressure raising) How could an adult say that about me? She didn't know me. She didn't even see me with a cigarette. Not only did she lie, she never did say sorry for lying about me. You might be thinking, that was, well a long time ago. We do not need to talk numbers. I should let it go. Maybe even let it roll off my back? I just don't know how. Do I write a letter, then burn it? I can say, I forgive the teacher but what I really want to do is find her and yell at her. 

So how do I let go? How do I not let the past dictate my future? How do I get to the point of forgiving that teacher, and most important Chris? My Pastor also talked about when he and his wife were first married. How his wife really didn't "need" him to much. That he was free to hang out with friends, and do what ever. Then with in the first couple of years of marriage they had a baby. Even then she really didn't "need" him. Once they had a second baby, things changed. She did need him more. He needed to change. Now I know that I am missing pieces of his lesson. I will add a link to the post down below. It's worth the time to listen to all of the weeks but since I am talking about this one. I will make sure to have it down there. The point I am trying to make is. I know that Chris is no longer the person he was back then. I know that he made mistakes that he wouldn't now. So how do I let him not have to re-live them when ever I get mad? How do I not bring up the past? Doesn't the past dictate the future? To not repeat history you have to learn from it. What happens when the lesson is not learned and you have all that history to back it up? How do you let that go? I do not know. 

What I do know is this.

I will be drawing closer to God. I will be re-watching the series videos. I will be praying that I can truly forgive and forget. I will be googling bible passages. AND I will be working hard to apply everything that I have, and will be learning. 


Here is the link to the talk. 
http://vimeo.com/87422569

MOVING; Start Packing Day

I have waited for this day for almost four years. 

I would dream about it. 

Plan it. 

Talk about how I was going to do it. 

Now that it's here. I am not as happy as I was going to be. I miss my Mom, Chris and I have been fighting, and I am just not feeling good. 

Depression can do that. 

I know that it's going to be much better place. It's the whole process of getting everything packed. Then unpacked. The stress that goes along with that. I don't feel like cleaning this place knowing that in a few short weeks I will have to be deep clean it again to get our security deposit back. We have never gotten the whole thing back so I feel like it's the holy grail. I would finally be able to get away from the people that smoke. Although I don't know the new neighbors and things could be just as bad. 

I would feel better if I had a plan how to pack. A step by step plan on what I should pack now, then once we get closer. The only advice that I have gotten was. 

"Make friends with people lifting weights at the gym" 

AND

"If your tired of packing just tell yourself that you 

don't want to the rest of your stuff anyway" 

Well I did find one good piece of advice. When packing use different colors for each room. Then the boxes get put in the right place right away. 

We do need to buy things for the new place. A bed for Avery and lamps for the bedrooms. I'm sure more storage pieces also. I have figured out that I don't like to buy things for the place that we are not living in for the rest of our lives. Does that make sense? I would look at all the pretty things that 31 has to offer. I want to get all of it, well most of it. :D I stop though knowing that I don't know if the bags, boxes or totes, I get will work in the space that I am moving into. There I think that makes sense. 

OK So now I need to focus on the good things so I can get off the couch and start packing. 

1) The girls will have their own rooms, with doors that can be closed. 

2) The kitchen is BIG!! I think I will have more than four drawers!! AND a dish washer! 

3) The laundry is 1.50 cheaper per load. 

4) The storage is bigger, now Chris said this. I wouldn't know. 

5) We will be saving a lot of gas and time. Meaning, Avery will be able to nap and I will not have to wake her up to pick up Whitney. 

6) I even have a couple friends that are within walking distance.

Now I need to focus on this instead of worrying about all the rest of the stuff I didn't write about. :(

French Onion Soup

I do not like french onion soup. 

I have found out that I LOVE french onion soup. 

Get this, no one else I live with likes it so I don't have to share!!! 
(insert happy dance here!)  

Here it is: 

I think that I left it in the broiler a little to long. :( 

OR I didn't add enough cheese to the top. 

Yes I think I will go with that. Not enough cheese!!

This is what you will need:

6 medium onions, thinly sliced

3 garlic cloves, minced

5 tablespoons of butter

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (I used WildTree!)

2 tablespoons brown sugar

3 tablespoons flour

64 ounces of beef stock-low sodium (or 8 cubes) 

1/2 teaspoon pepper 

french bread

Mozzarella cheese 

     (I know I know it's not what you use, it's what I had!!) 

I have been checking out other recipes and another girl put in beer! Now that's something I might have to do next time. 8-12 ounces. 

To cook: Use soup pot over medium heat, add onions, garlic, brown sugar, butter, balsamic and pepper. Mix until combined. Let it cook until the onions turn a caramel color, remember to stir occasionally. Add in the flour and stir until mixed again. Let it sit for 5 minutes. Add in the beef stock and bring to a boil. Now if you only have the cubes. Follow directions on the jar to make the stock. Turn the heat down and let it simmer. I will make this in the morning then let it simmer until lunch time. By then I can not handle it anymore and I have to eat it!! 

Before I do though I add the soup to a oven safe bowl cut up my french bread place that on top and add cheese! I turn my boiler on then on a cookie sheet I place my bowl. Keep your eye on it, the cheese on top will melt pretty quickly. 2-3 minutes. 

A Week of Valentine's

I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day. A day that if you have a guy in your life they are "made" to do something for you. I think that they should always do something nice for you. Although the longer that I am married I am understanding why so many other women love this day. I was watching a show yesterday and the host was telling a woman, a man does not "forget" Valentine's Day. He is just cheap. Now I am not saying Chris is cheap. He is just lacking in being creative with the money he has. So this year I started early. I sent him a link for free dates ideas and also a link to something I would love if he had the money. We will see if anything happens. 

So just because Valentine's Day isn't the greatest for myself that doesn't mean I can't have fun with the girls. I cut out little hearts and have been putting them up on their bedroom door with cute little sayings on them. We have spent time getting the cards ready for school. Avery has been working on writing her name. She has gotten pretty good at it. Although she spells it "Avert" lol. That "Y" is still a little hard for her! I have been crafting and I showed Whitney how to stitch the blanket stitch. She is making her boyfriend a present. It's an elephant out of old Valentine pj bottoms I had gotten her years ago. Tonight, Avery and I will put together the butterfly cards I made with Whitney when she was in preschool. 

I have been cooking a lot more lately. I found a recipe on Pinterest that showed carrots in the shape of hearts. So I HAD to do that. Turns out they are not as easy as I thought. Everyone still loved them though. This is what I made. 

Chicken Riddle Soup, 
from "Kids in the Kitchen" Cookbook from Pampered Chef. 

Cute right? :)

This is what you will need;

1 small onion

2 medium carrots

2 celery stalks

2 tablespoons snipped parsley

3/4 pound chicken

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 garlic clove

2 packages ramen-chicken flavor

5 cups water 

Cut onion, peel and cut carrots.(for the hearts, cut v-shape out of top then peel to shape into hearts) cut up celery, mince the garlic. I put all of this into a soup pot. I cooked them until they were softened. Then added the seasoning packets and the water. 

I cooked the chicken in a pan after cutting them into cubes. Once they were done I added them to the soup pot. Bring soup to a boil then reduce the heat to low and cover. Simmer for 15 minutes. 

Break noodles into small pieces, this part was fun!!! Add them to the soup, increase the heat to medium. Cook until the noodles are tender. 

Just before serving stir in the parsley. 

OK you may have noticed that I crossed out the parsley and the salt. I didn't have parsley and to tell you the truth. I wouldn't have added it if I did. My kids do not like green things floating around the soup. Add it if your kids are not weird like mine! Then I didn't add anymore salt. If you have ever had the ramen you know that it has enough salt in the seasoning packet. 

Thanks for letting me share! I hope this all make sense if not. Blame the lack of coffee!! OR just post a comment if you have any questions. 

Always and Forever,

Just Kim

I Made Dinner Tonight!!

I know there are people out there all the time making dinner every night for the family or yourself. I just have not felt like it. So I am doing the happy dance that I did do it. Well until Avery wouldn't eat the smallest piece of chicken ever! That story can be for later. Stay tuned!!! LOL. 

This is what I made. Creamy Bow-Tie Pasta with Chicken and Broccoli. YUMMY!! F.Y.I. Please read the whole blog post before making! 

Don't you just love my plates? 

They look so nice next to the broccoli. 

Here is what you need:

3 cups (8oz) bow-tie pasta(or the whole box)

4 cups broccoli florets, (I used half of a 10 oz bag)

3 Tbsp. Italian Dressing, (use what ever one is on sale!)

1.5 lbs. of Chicken, 

   (I do not like touching chicken so I got the tenders. 

    Then most of the cutting it done! Woot!)

2 cloves of garlic, minced

1 can of Hunt's four cheese pasta sauce, (.88@Walmart!! Hello!)

8 oz of Cream Cheese (yes you can used the low fat one, party pooper)

1/4 cup of Parmesan Cheese

I cut up my chicken a couple of hours before dinner and put it in a dish with some of the salad dressing, then put it back in the refrigerator. 

COOK pasta as directed on the package. In the last three minutes throw in the broccoli. (This is where I take some of the pasta out before the broccoli and make buttered noodles for Avery)

While that is cooking start chicken. I heated my pan and put in a little of Wild Tree's Grape Seed Oil with the garlic. Once that looked good I scooped out the chicken and put it in the pan. It shouldn't take more then 10 minutes to cook. (Make sure it reaches, 160F)

While the pasta is cooking and the chicken is cooking put the pasta sauce in a sauce pan and put on the stove. Cube the cream cheese and throw that in with the sauce. (This is really something I do first just because it takes a little bit for the cheese to melt into the sauce)

Drain the pasta and broccoli. You can put this into a serving dish or save yourself dishes and use the pot you cooked it in. Don't forget the trivet for your table. Once the the chicken is cooked the sauce should be done. Bring everything to the table. Enjoy!!! 

Now in all reality I don't think that my hubby ate anything all day and this did not fill him. So salad as another side might be a good idea. You could add more chicken. I only used that amount because I have an Avery that doesn't eat the chicken. Nice segway huh? 

So little miss I don't eat chicken, "oh but you kind of do because you eat nuggets. Now I know you wouldn't if you only knew what was in them....well never mind! You like chicken!!"

I told her at the beginning of dinner that she had to try my chicken. Not even a whole chunk half of that. She said no, shocker right? So everyone is done with dinner, plates are cleared, lunches are made, dishes had been started. Whitney took a shower. Avery, she is still at the table, with the smallest piece of chicken ever! She screamed, she stomped, she "cried", she plotted. (Her plan was to wait until everyone was asleep then she was going to bed and still not eat the chicken!!) She finally ate it and then wanted more!! 

OH. MY. GOSH!!! 

I hope you like it, let me know if you have questions. Good luck if you have small people in your life! 

It's Been A Year

It has been more then a year now since my Mom past. It doesn't feel like a year, it doesn't even feel like a month. My heart still hurts every time I think about her. I was at Walmart and a man walked past me and he smelled like my Grandfather. I reached for my phone to call her. Until I realized that I couldn't call her. I even sent her a message on Facebook. There has been so much she has missed. She might have been gone for only a year but she was in the hospital for a while before that. Then before that we couldn't talk on the phone very much due to cell phone minutes. I told her when she was in the hospital that I started this blog. She never got to read any of it. I didn't get to tell her that since the fire I have been able to look back at it and see the blessings. That I have friends that are wonderful. That I am a stronger person. When I would go visit her in the hospital we didn't get to talk like we did before. She was on the vent and what we talked about most was what was going on with her medically. 


The feelings that I have failed her is sometimes to much to handle. I have not buried her ashes. I have not moved into a house. Among other things. Since the beginning of the new year, you see all the stop smoking commercials. My Mom tried those things. They never worked for her. She just didn't want to. Was this her way of slowly killing herself? I will never know. There is another TV commercial that has a Grandmother and Granddaughter spending a birthday together. I told Whitney that I know that can't happen with Nana, but that I will do everything I can to stay healthy. I have been doing so much better with controlling my diabetes. I want to be there for any future grand kids. I am looking forward to sleep overs, date nights and feeding them to much candy. I want to be all the things my Mom couldn't be because she was sick. 

Frog Butts

A few days ago I went out with a friend of mine, Jen, after she was done with work. We went to a local pizza place and vowed not to eat pizza. We didn't have the hubbies or the kids, we could finally have adult food!! Well after looking and looking nothing sounded as good as, $5.75 all you can eat one topping pizza!!! So that's what we got. In that time of trying to figure out what we wanted the poor waitress came by out table three times. We would ask more questions then she would come back. This girl didn't know who she just got sat with. I was being so funny!! Jen was being so funny! We were cracking ourselves up! 

It was nice sitting down to my half cheese half pepperoni and Jen with her half tomato and half chicken and just having adult conversation. It wasn't planned. Whitney got picked up at Jen's store by a friend. Chris just happened to figure out I was at the store and came by. He told me to stay as long as I wanted and he took Avery home with him. Insert the AWE here!!! During dinner, I had asked how her hubby asked her to marry him. She said she didn't really remember, ummm. :/ She asked me how Chris asked me. I told her that he sent me on a scavenger hunt. That will have to be for another blog post. ;)

To tell you the truth I still do not remember how we got to talking about frog butts, and I know I am the one that said something about it first. Football was on the TV's so I am sure it had something to do with that. My thoughts are baby boys and older men are like frogs. You stand the frog up on it's feet, pads what ever and they have no butt. Same with baby boys and older men. The babies are born that way, they have to grow a butt. After time men butts start to erode away. I don't know if it's from having a desk job, scratching it or maybe it fell off into the toilet? Jen I think might have been laughing so hard she was crying a little. She asked me, then what happens with women's butts. 

I told her that they melt into our thighs.