Time for a Change

It's like having a bad hair day over and over. 

Then you finally book an appointment to get it cut and that day your hair looks great. That's when I start to tell myself, maybe I don't need to get it cut. Look at how good it looks. Is it really a good hair day or is it that your so relieved to be getting it cut? That it just looks better to you?

That's kind of how Chris and I are right now. We have had so many bad days, but once he booked an appointment to go see someone. Things got better. We started to talk to one another, nicer. We worked together doing the budget without that many issues. We were even on the same page with parenting. 

We have gone to the counselor twice. The first appointment, I felt great afterwards. I felt that she really heard what I was saying. I can only speak for myself though. I did tell Chris that at any point he doesn't feel like she is helping him or he doesn't like her we can find someone else to go see. Just because I like her doesn't mean that he does and I want this to work. So I will not see her as a couple if that's what it takes. Now, he didn't say anything about not liking her and he feels the same way I do about this. 

So.... we did have fights that week. He was working on a Sunday! When his job is closed. He wouldn't even known about the call if he didn't have his work cell phone on. AND well we got into a fight over him spending 1.06. Well at least we had things to talk about for this last week!! 

She gave us a couple of things to work on. She even wants us to plan a night that he gets off work on time and then do something, together, as a couple. What is that even look like anymore? 

Chris picked Friday night, as in tonight to be off on time. Our big plans you ask? Getting stuff for Easter and then then ice cream. No it's not a weekend in warm weather. It's not even a night in the city. BUT what it is, is a start. A start to getting to know each other again. A start to being able to trust him again. I am so looking forward to this I can not even tell you. 


   

We Are Back on the Diet

The Financial Peace diet. 

This time around though Chris is with me. We have missed one of the weeks due to us fighting. That's ok. We can always go online and watch it. I am the Nerd, he is the Free Spirit, and oh boy is he ever!!! I do the budget and everything has been ok. I have missed a few things each time and I have to re-do it. Then I get crabby but he has been right there with me. Telling me I can do it. I normally tell him at that point that he is sucking up so he doesn't have to do it. I got this weeks budget done last night and we went through it this morning. We did have to change a few things around. (GRRR!! There is always something!) Totally my fault this time, I want Avery's spring pictures. So that wasn't something we knew about until I got them in her cubbie on Friday. Surprise!! 

Well we went through the rest of the bills and talked about planning a week worth of meals. This has been a big fight for us for many many years. This time I promised him that I found something that was going to make it so much easier for us. The blog that I found, www.peanutblossom.com "themed" everyday of the week. You have to check it out. Chris was excited, yes you didn't read that wrong. Well, OK, he was as excited as he could be about picking themes and planning meals. LOL. 

So off to Walmart we went, together, on a Saturday. Yes I know we are insane. Everything was good until I forgot the list. Although I did write it twice, once to get all the ingredients, and second to get everything in order of the aisles. (so many I am the only one that's insane?) Whitney was able to take a picture of it and save my booty, I mean send it to Chris. It didn't take as long as I thought to get everything we needed. Also there was only a couple of people that I wanted to ram with the cart. 

Once we got to the check out though, Chris turned into a three year old child.
Chris, "Can I get a drink?"
Me, "No"
Chris, "But I need something"
Me, "No, that one bottle is half the price of a 12 pack. I would rather you go get a 12 pack." 

*Off Ramp Warning*

 I have to say, shopping for us is hard. Both of us hate going and doing it together I am surprised we made it to check out. ;)

Also we had already reached are week allowance for food.

So there was no way buying pop was going to happen.

Chris,"Can I get a candy bar then?"
Me, "No."
Chris, "But I am hungry."
Me, "So am I. Although I know I didn't burn as many calories as you did today, but still. Suck it up!"
I don't think that he said anything else after that. ;)
This whole process is hard but it's teaching us we don't need all of those over processed snacks and pop. We have the money for what we need, not what we want. 

The end of this story is we need to have more family time. What are we going to be getting with using a budget? Family time. It's starting at the dinner table. There is even a night that Whitney can cook. This week it's only putting frozen pizzas in the oven but it's a start!!

Online Class

So I have started taking a class online, for the first time ever. 

I thought that this would be a good idea. I don't know now. I have not been in a "class" well for a lot of years. We do not need to get into numbers here people. I have been reading and of course they are asking you questions like if you do this, then maybe you shouldn't be in this class, sort of thing. Or you should really have this in place before you think you can ever do it professionally. So I have really been thinking, what was I thinking?? I got through the first lesson. I did the assignment and then the quiz. I keep checking back to see if it's been graded yet. (It hasn't been) I have moved onto the second lesson and have even completed those assignments and quiz. AND I am still waiting....I keep thinking that I don't want to move onto the next lesson until I have the grades from the other two first. What if I failed everything? What if I can't do anything to bring up my grade? What if I am totally off the mark on how I answered the questions? Would I be able to go back and re-do the assignments? I have to have a final grade of 71 to pass, but who wants that? 
Waiting,

           Checking, 

                         still "Under Review"

AUGH!!! Come on, please just grade something! 


**UPDATE**

Two of the five have been graded!!! I got 25/25 and then 52.5/55. So you are currently reading a blog of an A student!!! Woot Woot!! 

Facebook

My Facebook account has been deactivated by me. 

I had been wanting to do it for a while. At church they had challenged us to give something up and I hadn't done it. I was getting pretty crabby about the way Facebook was choosing what I got to see anyway. I would pop onto the app on my kindle and I would see things that I didn't see while on my laptop. I would pop onto my cell and see all old posts. It was annoying. I was bored and would spend a lot of time on reading the same things over and over again. I was even getting frustrated at what some people were posting. I was getting sick of this being the only way I was talking to my friends. So many changes have been happening and Facebook is not the place to be airing it all, or any of it. I need to reconnect with the people that I want in my life and that's not been happening. Add this to Chris being upset that I was on my laptop all the time. Equals me getting rid of Facebook for a while. 

I thought that it would be easy. I was mad at it for the first couple of days so it was easy then. Then day four or five I thought to myself. Wow it's been so long since I have been on Facebook. When did I deactivate it? It's only been FIVE days. Oh my gosh, I have issues. I also thought oh I will just pop on for a minute, see if anyone missed me. Nope I'm not going to do that. 

I figured this would be a good time to get some packing done. Well I am out of packing tape, so that's not going to happen right now. I should start making my bed everyday again. I have been doing ok on that one. My kitchen has been cleaner then it has been on a regular bases. We have even had dinner at the table again, a few times. I've started on my smash book. I have caught up on all of my shows on the DVR. I have gotten through Pretty Little Lairs seasons 1-3, but I started that before getting rid of FB. I am just waiting for Season four on Netflix now. 

What I should be doing with all this time? 

Cleaning the bathroom, the girls room, my room. Getting my list together for the store so I can get more packing tape..... 

A whole bunch of things that I am not doing that's what. 

I know that I will have Facebook out of my system once I stop thinking, Oh that would be a funny post. Or saying, don't make me post that on Facebook.

 

What has happened to our lives that Facebook has become a multiple times, everyday, part of the family thing?

This was almost four years ago. 

Maybe a new family picture should also be on the list of things to do?

 

Baby Blanket Wreath

It only took me three years but it's finally done!!

Pinterest should be banned from my home. Although if it was I wouldn't have found yummy food to make and cheap ways to decorating my home. So maybe not banned but limited? LOL. Since this was the first time doing something like this I had no idea how much fabric I would need. I went to Walmart and got four more fabrics that went with Avery's receiving blankets. I was so pumped when I got home. I set out to cutting the fabric up. I didn't know then I would have a sore arm for days and I wouldn't get back to it three years. You see this is what I was using.

Do you remember these? From Creative Memories. 

Good for cutting paper, not so much for fabric!! 

Fast forward to having a great group of friends and a place to craft. I brought this wreath project over and a friend showed me the most amazing tool in the whole world!!! 

This wonderful amazing tool is from Fiskars!!! 

I looked in the scrap booking tools for it, I don't know why.

It's in by the fabric area and maybe 12.00.

So now that I had the prefect tool, I was ready to go. It didn't take very long to get the rest of the blankets and fabric cut. 

I had piles and piles and piles of strips. 

I don't even know how many I cut. I have quite a lot left. Maybe I will make smaller ones later. ;) I started out just doing one fabric at a time. Tying the fabric in knots, one row at a time. 

Good use of a hair clip right?

It got a bit crazy. So I changed things up and just pushing them over as I went a long. Knotting the fabric from the top to the bottom wire one at a time. 

One pattern done seven more to go!! 

This is the back. I used a lot of strips. You really don't have to use that much. I thought that I was using all of the fabric and wouldn't have any leftover. So that's why I went a little crazy. 

Not looking to bad. Two down, six more to go! 

To tell the truth, this still took me a while to finish. I don't remember how much time it took, but I had years already in it. So I figured if it took me a week to get all the stripes on the wreath that was fine with me. I don't even know if Avery will want it up in her room once it's done. Which is fine, I love the colors and will put it up in my craft area. 

ALL DONE!!!  

This is on the back of my front door. You can just make out the peep hole by the green. Well that would be center, I was a little off when I took the picture. It's a big wreath, very big. I wish that I could have a better picture to see the patterns. This project was something that I really enjoyed, once I had the right tools. ;) I have a lot more of Avery's baby blankets and I see more of these being made soon. 

Stay Married

Last month at my church the talk centered around marriage. The title of the talk was "Who the (Bleep) did I marry". It has been great re-learning somethings, (a lot of things) and knowing that I am doing ok in others. Pastor Dave showed us a picture that showed a triangle and at the bottom left it said Husband, bottom right Wife with an arrow going between. The arrows both from the husband and wife up to the point which said God. The whole meaning behind it was. If you want to grow closer to your partner grow closer to God. 

I have not kept it from anyone that Chris and I have had hard seasons in our marriage. We have been married for over 15 years, so yeah we are going to have issues. We happen to be going through one in the last few months.  

I hold grudges. 

If I have felt like I wasn't treated fairly then I am mad. I have been feeling this way for many years. I think that marriage is a give and take and I have felt like I have given a lot more. Now with going through these last few weeks of the talk at church. I know that I need to let it go. That I need to move forward and not let that hold me back. I have taken my vows seriously, and I am not giving up on my marriage. That being said, I have no idea how to do it. 

No kidding. 

Just this morning I was telling Chris how in high school, I had went to the CLC Vocational campus to learn how to do hair. I was in the bathroom during a break and I had an adult teacher pull me out of the stall and tell me to come with her. (She wouldn't even let me wash my hands) She takes me into the hall and in front of the principle and my instructor tells them I was smoking in the bathroom. Now this is where I was about to flip out, even now I am pissed. I don't smoke, I have never smoked, and never would. 

She lied. 

She lied to my principle. She lied to my instructor. She lied about me. An adult teacher. Now I understand, everyone makes mistakes. This was not a mistake, this was a bold face lie. (Yup, I can feel my blood pressure raising) How could an adult say that about me? She didn't know me. She didn't even see me with a cigarette. Not only did she lie, she never did say sorry for lying about me. You might be thinking, that was, well a long time ago. We do not need to talk numbers. I should let it go. Maybe even let it roll off my back? I just don't know how. Do I write a letter, then burn it? I can say, I forgive the teacher but what I really want to do is find her and yell at her. 

So how do I let go? How do I not let the past dictate my future? How do I get to the point of forgiving that teacher, and most important Chris? My Pastor also talked about when he and his wife were first married. How his wife really didn't "need" him to much. That he was free to hang out with friends, and do what ever. Then with in the first couple of years of marriage they had a baby. Even then she really didn't "need" him. Once they had a second baby, things changed. She did need him more. He needed to change. Now I know that I am missing pieces of his lesson. I will add a link to the post down below. It's worth the time to listen to all of the weeks but since I am talking about this one. I will make sure to have it down there. The point I am trying to make is. I know that Chris is no longer the person he was back then. I know that he made mistakes that he wouldn't now. So how do I let him not have to re-live them when ever I get mad? How do I not bring up the past? Doesn't the past dictate the future? To not repeat history you have to learn from it. What happens when the lesson is not learned and you have all that history to back it up? How do you let that go? I do not know. 

What I do know is this.

I will be drawing closer to God. I will be re-watching the series videos. I will be praying that I can truly forgive and forget. I will be googling bible passages. AND I will be working hard to apply everything that I have, and will be learning. 


Here is the link to the talk. 
http://vimeo.com/87422569

MOVING; Start Packing Day

I have waited for this day for almost four years. 

I would dream about it. 

Plan it. 

Talk about how I was going to do it. 

Now that it's here. I am not as happy as I was going to be. I miss my Mom, Chris and I have been fighting, and I am just not feeling good. 

Depression can do that. 

I know that it's going to be much better place. It's the whole process of getting everything packed. Then unpacked. The stress that goes along with that. I don't feel like cleaning this place knowing that in a few short weeks I will have to be deep clean it again to get our security deposit back. We have never gotten the whole thing back so I feel like it's the holy grail. I would finally be able to get away from the people that smoke. Although I don't know the new neighbors and things could be just as bad. 

I would feel better if I had a plan how to pack. A step by step plan on what I should pack now, then once we get closer. The only advice that I have gotten was. 

"Make friends with people lifting weights at the gym" 

AND

"If your tired of packing just tell yourself that you 

don't want to the rest of your stuff anyway" 

Well I did find one good piece of advice. When packing use different colors for each room. Then the boxes get put in the right place right away. 

We do need to buy things for the new place. A bed for Avery and lamps for the bedrooms. I'm sure more storage pieces also. I have figured out that I don't like to buy things for the place that we are not living in for the rest of our lives. Does that make sense? I would look at all the pretty things that 31 has to offer. I want to get all of it, well most of it. :D I stop though knowing that I don't know if the bags, boxes or totes, I get will work in the space that I am moving into. There I think that makes sense. 

OK So now I need to focus on the good things so I can get off the couch and start packing. 

1) The girls will have their own rooms, with doors that can be closed. 

2) The kitchen is BIG!! I think I will have more than four drawers!! AND a dish washer! 

3) The laundry is 1.50 cheaper per load. 

4) The storage is bigger, now Chris said this. I wouldn't know. 

5) We will be saving a lot of gas and time. Meaning, Avery will be able to nap and I will not have to wake her up to pick up Whitney. 

6) I even have a couple friends that are within walking distance.

Now I need to focus on this instead of worrying about all the rest of the stuff I didn't write about. :(