Sunday, January 20, 2013

What Do I Do Now?

It is so hard to just sit back and wait for you to die. I don't understand how we got here. It was an infection in your mouth. Why are we now sitting next to you in your death bed? I'm not ready for this. I feel like you are short changing me. From the summer before 5th grade until now, I have not lived with you. Which most of that time would be ok. Since I am married with two kids. We didn't get the time to hate one another through my teenage years. You never told me about boys and who to stay away from. You didn't teach me to cook. Or to clean my home. I want more time with you. If not for all of what we missed, then all the time we could have had. There are more memories I need to make with you. 

This just doesn't feel right, sitting next to you in your death bed. Waiting for God to take you home. I know this time I will not be mad at him for this.       Not like Gram. 

Why are we here? Why did you have to start smoking? Who gave you your first cigarette? I feel like a spoiled child not getting everything I want, but I don't want everything just more time. More time to watch you with my girls. More time to pick on your football team choices. More time to make coffee for you on the weekends you come up. I just want more time Mom. Please can we just make this last 6 months just be a bad, a very bad dream? Like on Dallas? 

I know your tired, just take a nap and come back to me. 
I love you and need you. 

I don't know how we got here. This thing called cancer. That is what got us here. I hate you cancer. I hate that you are in my Mom's body. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

New Car Blues

Well it happened, the Egg broke. Insert funny egg jokes here. Now we have to find another new to me car. I was talking to a friend about how I have picked out cars in the past and I think that is when she said to me. "I feel a blog post coming on". So to you Mandy C. I dedicate this post!

So I start with my first car. A 1993 Geo Metro, hatchback! Green, manual, roll down windows, AM/FM radio, with heat! Gosh I loved that car. I think I was almost finished with HS or just out when I got it. My brother in law worked at Bernard Chevrolet. He had told me about this car and about how much it was. I had to learn how to drive it, he said he would teach me. I asked him what color it was. He told me green and I asked him where do I sign? I had the Metro until we sold it for 300.00 in 2003. 

My second car I didn't get until 2006. At this time Chris worked at Gurnee Dodge and I asked him what car was in the commercial with the basketball players in the backseat looking like toddlers. They would be looking around and saying something like "wow it does have a lot of room back here". I asked him do you have one of those on the lot. He said yes. I asked what color, white, OK when can I test drive it? That's how I got the Egg, I was so happy to see power windows, AC, a CD player and four doors! Wow it was fancy! 

Now maybe you can see my problem when faced with having to pick out another car. I am not that fussy about what the car has in it. Chris wants me to be in a safe car, I just want it to have cruse control! LOL. So now I have been looking for something that has all wheel drive. I thought that this might be important since I hit a fire hydrant last year from sliding on ice. :/ . I guess I would be looking for something that has a little bit more leg and head room. Whitney has very tall friends, and I don't think they are done growing. Chris has gotten me a mini van in the past and now, as a rental. I really like that I can push a button and doors open. This one has the satellite radio which is very cool! There is just no reason for me to have a mini van. Mini vans are for people that have more than two kids. My opinion. I think that if we were to get one, it would be to much space. Don't get me wrong I would love to cart around Whitney's friends. No really I'm not kidding. I like to know what is going on and I can get the kids to spill the beans when there is more than one around. 

Back to picking out a new car. I think we are looking at a 2008 KIA Sportage. This thing is crazy loaded. I don't want to list everything it has but I have two words for you BLUE TOOTH! :D Yup, I just don't want it. Did I forget to say that I haven't had a car payment in two years for the Egg? That and I drove an EGG!! The Sportage is HUGE! Chris wants me in a safe car, my question to that is. Will it still be safe if I hit things because what I am driving is so HUGE? Yeah I know you didn't think about that, did ya?

Wish me luck on picking out the right car/SUV. With everything else that is going on in my life right now, picking out another car was not on my list of things to do.