Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Good Bye 2014!!

Wouldn't be wonderful if you could truly close the door to 2014 and open the door to 2015, with a fresh start. To walk through and everything is wonderful. Wouldn't it be wonderful to not remember all the hurts and disappointments? That you could start with a brand new you? That this would be the beginning of the rest of your life? Well what if that life can't start yet? What if you are stuck dealing with 2014 for a while still? 

New Years was never a big deal for me. Now don't get me wrong, going to NYC on new years is on the bucket list. To be there with the high school girlfriends or someone special that I could give that special new year kiss to. I read something about how you should kiss the person you love. You should start the kiss before the end of the year and continue until the ball drops so it can be the perfect ending and beginning of the years. (I think that I threw up a little.) When I was younger I loved staying up to watch all the music acts on Dick Clark's New Years show. We would flip between New York and Chicago TV stations. Once the new year hit New York, we normally went to bed. I don't know if we thought, well ok nothing bad happened in New York so we are good to go to bed. Or just that the Chicago stations didn't have anyone else good on after that. 

What about all the good that happened in 2014? There was good that happened in 2014 I'm sure of it. If given the time and proper tools I could get a list together for you! So do we have the cheesy new years resolution? I vow to get to the gym, to lose weight, to focus on me, to eat more chocolate, to being a better parent, to read more books, watch less TV. To eat better, to go to bed earlier. Oh to be a better friend, or to see my friends more. The thing that I've been seeing a lot of is the mason jar with the little papers in it. "Everyday write something you are grateful for then next year read them all" Oy! Can I get 365 pieces of paper right now so I can just write down, thank you God for letting me wake up and try this life thing again? Because I think that's what it's coming down to with me. Tomorrow is not promised and just like in 2014, there are going to be days in 2015 that suck! 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make fun of the resolutions. I just know that the statistics say that within the first two weeks people have either stopped doing what they said they were going to do or having even started. So tell me what is the big deal? Am I missing something? Shouldn't we just do the thing, insert resolution here, starting now and not wait for the new year? A friend told me that just because it was someones birthday they shouldn't have to kick up notch the making them feel special that one day. They should be made to feel special everyday. 

So to 2014 I say suck it! 2015, please be gentle. 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Day 74

All day I'm fighting to stay away. I am sick and I think that if I could just get a nap, I know this is the day that I will start to feel better. I just know it!! So I fall asleep on the couch, to then be woken up a number of times because my girls are home. They need me to feed them. It's not really fair to them that I'm sick and well depressed. So I read chapter two to Avery. I talk to Whitney about a crappy friend. I read my book four and continue to fight the head nod. Then bedtime finally comes around and I fall asleep on the couch that is now my ex-husband's bed. He is pissed at me so I get woken up to be told he wants to go to bed. I grab my stuff, kiss Whitney on the head as I pass and shuffle off to what used to be our room. I fall into bed and fall right to sleep. 
No dreams, thank goodness.

Then it's 12:15AM and I'm awake. I check Facebook, I check email. I go out into the living room to get my laptop to then check Facebook and email again. I think about reading more of book four. Then I think about the day. Think about this morning. I think, and think and think. Instead of the anger I felt and still kind of do, the sadness rushes in. 

The hurt, the pain. 
The unease, the uncertainty. 
Self doubt and insecurities. 

The nagging thoughts that make me just want to run away. When will this go away? When will I feel better? Will it get harder? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? God doesn't give you more than you can handle? There is a lesson to be learned in all of this, I just might have to wait to see what it was. 

Ten years from now would you want to be the same person you are right now? NO!! Then why fear change? 
Right? Light bulb moment right? 

Knowing that still doesn't help me. Knowing that still doesn't hug me, hold my hand, kiss me good night or good morning. I still feel like this little girl that is begging to be loved. Why don't you love me? Please love me. I am damaged goods and I don't know if I will ever get to the point of being able to love again. To trust again. To not question. 

The minutes pass by and I breathe. In and then out. Just breathe. It feels like I am drowning, but I'm just sitting in my bed. My stomach makes a noise. I'm hungry. I don't think that I ate dinner. 

Life moves on. 

Saturday, December 20, 2014

I Might Be Sick

Sick with the Ba Hum Bug.

No amount of Christmas music or Christmas lights are getting me in the mood for Christmas. We have had very little snow. So little that I was able to go for a run this week. (I did pretty good seeing as I haven't gotten a run in for a couple months) The Christmas totes got brought up on Thanksgiving maybe the day before. They are still in the living room, mostly full. My Whitney, the one that LOVES Christmas isn't feeling it either. Although she has her own personal snow flurry going in her room. Yup that was a Frozen reference. LOL! 

Is it weird that going in there makes me cold?

She even has them hanging from her door. 

Oy, where is my Christmas spirit? I'm just not in the mood for any of it. Decorating, watching Christmas movies, shopping or baking. Well ok that last one I never feel like doing! Here we are only five days away from Christmas. I just heard on the radio that it's going to be insane at the stores today because it's the last Saturday before the holiday. So there is no way I'm going shopping today! 

This just happened. 

Avery, "Can we make gingerbread cookies for Santa?"
Me, "I think we should just make some sugar cookies"
Avery, "Can we just make one? I want to see if it will run away."
Me, "LOL" 

My Avery has made ornaments for the tree, wrote a letter to Santa and made a present for me at school. This kid is so excited!! 

Avery's ornaments. A heart and a unicorn. :D

What is wrong with me? I really need to try to fake it or something! I read somewhere that the tradition was to decorate on Christmas Eve. That's normally when I wrap all the presents. So, maybe I can start wrapping now, and I will be in the mood to get everything done the night before. 

It will be like a Christmas miracle? 

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Best Weekend EVER... in a while

Friday started out good. 

Avery went back to school after being sent home on Thursday. I went to the grocery store, which I hate but did it anyway. I came home and napped because I had to work that night. I had called my sister earlier in the week and made plans for my niecy, Elizabeth, to come and spend the night. WITH books three and four of the series that she got me into. :D I had a wonderful conversation with a friend of mine about body image and was feeling pretty good about myself. Elizabeth got here and shortly after that I had to go to work. It was a cleaning shift which I am beginning to have fun with. I get all the cleaning done then I pick a project to do. I take everything off of the tables and clean and then put it back how I want it. Now I know I might be driving people crazy with stuff not being in the place they left it. Also who knows if it will really stay that way. It just makes me feel good. All the spices got alphabetized and binders got labeled. There is more that I did but I think those couple of things will bring the biggest impact. One of the girls that I worked with at my store came in and we went on break together. After four hours I was done and went home. Well after I got to see two of our city's wonderful police officers come in. (I LOVE MY JOB!!) 

Saturday morning, Avery woke up. 

She came into my room and we snuggled, like really snuggled for a long time. She wanted me to rub her tummy and scratch her back. Every time I would start to fall back to sleep I would feel her little hand on mine wanting me to keep me either rubbing or scratching. My Whitney woke up and came into bed with us. Shortly after that Elizabeth did also. I had all my girls in bed with me snuggling!! It was probably THE best way to start the day. We all got up and had breakfast and coffee, well Avery didn't have coffee. Whitney showed me her school newspaper. There was an article in it that she wanted me to read and talk about. (It was about the school dress code, it was supposed to be a funny story but I could hear some truth in it. I was a little upset by it. Although it was a great way to have a conversation with Whitney) Elizabeth and I got a chance to talk also. She is heading into the next week with finals. Then we just hung out the whole day. I had plans to go out with my friend Jen that night. Friday would have been 16 years married and Jen's birthday was Sunday.

So there was some drinking to be doing!!

 I picked her up around 8PM, we went for a drink after we got tickets to see a play. We had ran into a couple that we were both friends with and they saved us seats. The show was funny, ish. Jen and I both had a drink so I'm wondering how it would have been sober. :/ We went and got something to eat at one of my favorite places in the downtown area. A waiter that I've had before was there and well he remember my girl friends from high school and I from this summer. Good food, a selfie and one more drink, then home. 

Sunday, we slept in. 

Avery was up and down most of the night with still not feeling good. More coffee, and Elizabeth had to go home. I was going to go for a run. Yup you read that correctly, a RUN in December, when I live in Wisconsin!! It was in the 40's people!!! So warm! Well Whitney had other ideas. She wanted to get some of her friends Christmas gifts. So off to the store we go. We went to five different ones. By the fifth Whitney was done!! LOL. I told her that if she was around when my Gram was shopping she wouldn't be able to hang with her. That woman could shop circles around people!! We got home around six had something to eat and just hung out. I went to my room to start on book three that Elizabeth brought and next thing I know I hear Avery coughing. (it was 1AM I think) I had fallen to sleep and I don't remember reading any of the book. :/ And here I am now writing about the weekend. 

It was for the most part a GREAT weekend. Friday was a day of learning and staying true to myself. Saturday was so good for me. I love all my girls and having them all around me Saturday morning was, to say wonderful would be putting it lightly. I am truly grateful for getting the chance to mend a friendship that I helped to hurt. Then to get the chance to hang out without it being planed was cool. I know that this road right now is a hard one for me. I also know that without the support of the people in my life I wouldn't be doing as well as I am right now. I'm not where I want to be yet but I'm getting there. 

The song "Just Breathe" from Faith Hill comes to mind but the lyrics do not match my feelings right now. So I'm just going to keep repeating the "just breathe" part. :D Have a great week everyone! 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Everything Is Just So Big

 What I am talking about is my clothes. 

I know it's a great problem. I have lost weight and my clothes are to big. To the point that I'm having flashbacks to junior high and my friend getting her pants pulled down by a boy in front of a lot of people. Not a pleasant memory. Don't get me wrong after having two kids being able to pee fast is a good thing. I just don't want them to fall down on their own. That's just the bottoms, the tops are to big also. I am always moving the shirt so my bra straps are not showing. Or the "girls" (I'm talking about my boobs. Yes I could have just said that but for future reference, "girls" means boobs), are not all out for everyone to see. 

I don't have a full length mirror to really see what I look like. This is a good and a bad thing all wrapped up in one. Good because I know I have more to lose and I don't want to truly see how much. Bad because I have lost weight and I need to be happy with how I look right now. I do start to wonder if I look messy, unkempt, or even frumpy? Do I still look big because the clothes do not fit right? It could be as simple as going to get new clothes that fit. I have issue with that also. Some women like to go shopping, some hate it. I am in the hate it group. Also I'm still losing weight and I don't want to get anything to tight.

 There is a fine line between something fitting 
or it being a sausage casing, people. 

A great example of this is when I went to my friends store. I was helping her clean up her back room. She found a childern's size large tee shirt and held it up to me. I joked and said "oh that would totally fit me". The next thing I know it's getting put over my head and she is putting it on me!! Guess what, it fit. Even over my shirt that I had on that was BIG on me. Now I'm not saying it's a shirt I would wear outside, in public, around anyone that has a cell phone.....but it fit. My friend even laughed and said it's very slimming. I didn't believe her. She told me to go look in the mirror. I did and then started to laugh, she was right. Wow, I didn't look all that bad in it. The thought, I really should have stuck with that AB challenge came to mind. I was able to take it off with out to much trouble. Now that I would say was a sausage casing, with a shirt on underneath it. 

With not really knowing what I look like it's so hard to judge what size I would be in without trying everything on. Just one more example. I started a new job. We have a uniform that we have to wear. I had to buy shirts. They, of course do not have any you can try on before ordering them. I told the lady from HR what size I thought that I needed. Extra Large. She told me that I should probably go with a Large. Oh ok well she knows that the shirts look like and how they fit. I went with the large. Well the large was to big. I traded them in for MEDIUMS!! Mediums people! I have no idea the last time I was a medium. 

So when do I go buy the smaller sizes? When using a belt doesn't help anymore? When everything is now work out clothes because they cover my booty? Oh, when I can put both girls in one of my shirts together when they are being mean to one another? 

It's not cellulite it's my body's way of saying "I'm sexy" in braille. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Mr. & Mrs. No Longer

We have filed for divorce and in a couple days it will be final.

This will not come to a surprise to my close friends and family that I have reached out to. Why the need/want to share it publicly? Because I have people in my life, and Chris's, that feel the need to speak into our lives about things they do not know about or understand. No one truly knows what happens in a marriage that ends. Can you really point to one thing that made everything else change? I would say yes, if he abused me in some way. That's not the case. Chris and I have been together for 17 years. We both want different things and we have known that for a very long time. 

We grew up and grew apart. 

We have been talking about it for a while now. Well maybe I have been talking about it for a while and he has just listened to it. We have been to a counselor to try to work out some of our issues. One of the earlier appointments, she told me that I needed to figure out what makes me happy, that I HAD to pick something. "You can no longer look to him to make you happy". That really was a light bulb moment for me. I couldn't ignore it. I had to listen to her. For my marriage and more importantly, myself. I started to do things that I had been wanting to do but didn't because he never wanted to do them. I made plans with friends and kept them. I started a class online. I refocused on my Type 2. I found a new place to live that was closer to the girls schools, closer to family, with three bedrooms and a dish washer! That first week I ran five times. My bike was even dusted off! I started to sing again.

What happened wasn't planned. 

I really did go into this with hope that we could figure this out. I took my vows very seriously and was trying to do everything I could to make it work. We worked on the budget together. We even had date nights. We continued going to see the counselor, we still are. There just comes a time in life that you know that what ever you do, nothing is going to fix it. That doesn't mean that we don't have love for each other. It just means that it's just not enough to stay together. I found a part of myself that I lost a lot of years ago. That part of me isn't ok with going through life not happy. I want a chance to stand on my own two feet and do life the way I want to. That means without being married. 

All that being said. This is not going to be the typical divorce. We don't hate each other. We are trying to make this co-parenting thing work. We made these kids together and we are going to do the best to still raise them together. So you might see us together as a family still. No that doesn't mean we are back together or working on it. It means we have enough respect for each other to hang out as a family. 

I'm not and with the help of Chris, wanting to tell everyone this so more people can tell us what they think we should do. Right or wrong, we are doing what is right for us. I really hope everyone can respect that. 

Starts With Goodbye by Carrie Underwood

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Kim Possible: Hall Closet

Another project DONE!! 

I don't know, have I told you how much I LOVE doing this? 
So I forgot to take a before picture of the top of the closet. Which is sad because it was a mess!! Here they are as close to the before as I can get. 

So this is what is looks like now.
I went through the games and we put the rest of them in another closet.
Something about them being collectors items.....

Bubbles and a lot of summer items.
Laundry soap and drier balls.

Norwex body cloths.
Wash cloths and hand towels.

Pool and bath towels. 

Toilet paper, paper towels, that bucket doesn't belong there. :/
Pop and my love, my Shark!! Don't look to close, he needs a bath!

This is the other side. See I told you I started before taking a picture!!
Darn my excitement!! 

A couple coats, my backpack, (my love),
reusable bags and my gift wrap/birthday decorations cart.

These were also in the closet.
On the top left before the games got moved there.
I will tell you this took me a lot longer than I thought it was going to. It's such a small area but has so much going on with it. I really want to take the doors off. Although I'm pretty sure I would be killed in my sleep if I asked Chris to put one, well two more things in storage. I have a couple small projects to take care of before going to bed tonight. I might have taken a basket that was being used for something else for this area. :) So I either find a new home for the stuff or I sleep on top of extra sheets and blankets and a shower curtain. :/ 

Here is the AFTER:

Not sure what is going on with the top of the picture.
I have the games up there and my camera stand.
Left orange tub, all the summer stuff, right tub pool towels.
The white one has light bulbs and extension cords.  
These work out so much better!
The brown baskets are holding all of my Norwex cloths, wash cloths, and hand towels. 
I might add, with plenty of room! Next shelf, the basket is holding my laundry soap and drier balls. My bath towels, I promise we have more. They are just in the bathroom.
Yes, that's a lot of pop. No it doesn't make me happy.
The two blue buckets are holding plastic bags and reusable bags.
I MIGHT have a lot more reusable bags in my car......

As you can see I have my gift wrap/birthday decorations on the top shelf. With a basket in front of the drawers. I have toilet paper and paper towels in there. So when I do need to get to the cart it will not be an issue. A few coats and a few extra hangers for friends and family. 

Chris took my vacuum to clean Avery's room so I didn't take a picture of it in there. Just know there is a lot of room for him now. I even have a couple of floor mats in there ready when we have wet shoes. I am so happy how this turned out.

Like really, really happy!

 It's hard to move into a new space and get everything in working order. We have been here since the middle of May. This is the second time I have done this closet. Now my question to you is, how long have you lived in your home? Do you have areas that just do not work for you? What frustrates you about them? Do you think you need a little help getting them to work for you and your family?  I can help. :D 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Nerd Cry

Does this make me a nerd if I cry over a good grade? 

I have been putting off one of my last assignments because it's been by far the hardest lesson over all. It's about marketing and a lot of other "stuff". I really didn't understand it but I went along and took notes. (More like copied the whole lesson down and hoped for the best) When it came time to do one of the assignments I felt like my head was going to explode. I emailed the teacher, which I hadn't needed to do before this. She told me to fill out what I could. Well ok, thanks. Did she forget that I have been getting 100% on almost everything that I had submitted? I really didn't want to do bad on this assignment! I even reached out to a friend for help. I told her that I love her! I finally stopped stalling and just took it bite by bite. It wasn't easy for me. After re-reading it a couple times and making Chris listen to it also. 


And then prayed. I started to work on the very last assignment, which has been fairly easy. I just need a few more ideas and I can type it up. Then I will need to study for the final. This morning I went onto my class website and just thought to myself, "I will just check. I've never gotten a grade back this soon anyway." 

OH. MY. GOSH!!!! 25/25 I got a 100%!!!!! 

No way! I want to kiss my teacher, if I knew who she was!! Well I know who she is, I just don't know where she lives. So yup, I started to cry. I am so close to being done with this class that even if, IF I fail the final I would still pass. Now that I shared with you. It's time to get back to work!! 

Kimberly Palo 
(Soon to be)
Professional Organizer 


Saturday, September 20, 2014

I'm Not Offended....Much

Now that the girls are in school, I might, miss them a little. Yesterday Avery asked me for more pickles.
**(Off Ramp Warning)**
 Yes my kid LOVES pickles. She, at one point could eat a whole jar of Milwaukee's Best pickles in one day. Now I have to limit her to three a day. She gets mad when I don't pack any in her lunch bag. No Kidding. 

So when she asked for them yesterday I got them for her. She however did not ask for them very nicely so I made her do it again then say sorry. Then I told her that I also needed kiss-E-ss. That's Kim speak for a whole lot of kisses all at once. She said no, and well I kissed her anyway. The kid started to CRY!! Yes, you read that correctly. She didn't want kisses from me so much that she started to cry. I was so sad. So I got her the pickles. 

Then I went to Whitney's room to kiss her instead. I was met with, 
"What are you doing?" 
"Get off of me!"
"I don't want you to kiss me!!"
"I was watching a movie!!"
"Stop Mom!!!" 
Then there might have been some flipping of the Mommy off the bed.....Not my proudest moment. 
We have always said, if you tickle us we are not responsible for your injuries!! So I pushed her off the bed and tickled her!! HA! I was able to get two kisses on her check. I told her that she owed me at least three more. That was met with the "that's never going to happen" face. (I did get them later!!)

Now every time I come close to either of them they hide behind pillows. 
I'm not offended, much. 
My beautiful girls, that hate Mommy kisses. :(

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Organizing- Avery's Closet

I love going through Avery's closet!! 
Getting the small clothes out and putting the seasonal clothes in. 

This is one of the many things about being a parent that is so much fun. Whitney and Avery have been my little dolls that I get to dress up and play with. Now that they are both older it's getting a lot harder to get them to wear what I want though. 

This is how I start going through her closet. She is now 5 years old so anything that is smaller than a 5T gets put in a pile right away. I got a little crazy when we first moved in. Avery had her very own closet so I hung up sizes that really didn't fit yet. So back out those go! Once I got through every piece of clothing. I ended up with four piles, size five outfits and summer clothes. Size six outfits and dresses. Size six tops and bottoms that didn't match. Size four clothes going to my favorite children's consignment store. 

HA! At this point I was almost done!! 
Next I went through the baskets that hold the off season clothes, and bigger sizes. I hung up all that would fit her now. I put the clothes that I had piled into the baskets and made new labels. 

I have high hopes that this kid will wear pants this year!! 

As Avery gets older the less I buy bigger. Just in case she doesn't like what I pick out. :(

These I still held onto just in case next summer she can still fit into some of it. 

Once all that was done, it was time to go through her dresser. Avery wanted to help with that, so everything was in a nice big pile for me! In her dresser I have, well ok at this point HAD, three baskets. One for underwear, one for socks and one for tights. Her PJ's fit nicely behind the baskets. Again I went through every piece and got rid of anything that was smaller than what would fit her now. She had a couple pairs of tights, a lot of underwear and pj's that needed to go. I do not consign underwear, so those went right into the garbage. All the rest I checked for stains and holes. If they were good to go, they went into the pile for the consignment store.

Time to get more underwear! I wonder which ones she will pick this time? 

It didn't take long to do and I love doing it!! Now she is already for the 40-50 degree days we have had the last couple of days. She even got a couple new pairs of shoes. No new pink cowgirl boots. Maybe we can get another pair of those around Halloween again? ;)

I hope this helps you organize your kid(s) closets or even your own. If you want any help let me know!!! 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Plans for Saturday Night, 4PM-Trip to the ER!

Well those were really not my plans. 
I met some really fun ladies at the garage sale that was being held by my apartment complex and I was going to do some Facebook stalking. I also wanted to check this "Color Aloft Balloon Festival" being held in Grayslake, IL. I've never seen a hot air balloon up close and this sounded like a great thing to do with the girls. It was really foggy and it had started to rain before the garage sale was over so I wasn't sure if they even still had it. Maybe next year!!

Let's start at the being of the morning. I set my alarm for 7AM thinking I would have plenty of time to get out there, set up and price my "treasures". I didn't know that it started at 8AM and ran until 4PM. Oops, so much for breakfast! We haul all the stuff out there and start to set up. I even had a few customers buy things before all of it was out and priced. I told everyone that if it didn't have a price yet, make me an offer and go low! I wanted all of this gone!! 
My "treasures" I had someone looking so I cut off the picture a little on the left.

The day went by pretty quick. By noon I was having a half price sale. Around 2:20PM it started to get really dark. I figured it was time to pack up. It didn't start to rain until we were on the way to Goodwill to drop off everything that didn't sell. 

Here is where I need to tell on myself. 

I wasn't lying when I said, so much for breakfast. I really didn't have time to grab anything other than coffee before heading out there. Chris went to the bank for me to get change and brought me back blueberry donut holes. My favorite! Hey at least I was eating antioxidants!! Yes, I know still not good for me. There were women at the garage sale, selling tamales. I got two of those and nibbled on one. So by the time we stopped to get something to eat I was a little hungry. Once we got home I counted the money first to see how much we made. 

Drum roll please? 59.50!! Woot! Woot!

Then I sat down to eat. Second bite and it got stuck. I tried to take a drink, bad idea. It felt like I was drowning. I got sick, a lot. I calmed down enough to tell Chris that he had to take me to the ER. I wasn't able to get it out myself and my throat was starting to really hurt. We got to the ER, blue bucket and all. Chris said we couldn't have been there three minutes when they called me back. A nurse came in and did all the things nurses do. She told me they were going to do an IV and give me something to help me calm down more. Let's call her Dimples. She told me that I was breathing just fine and that she was going to be there for me. I might have freaked out a little bit once we got there?? I was trying to tell the guy nurse, let's call him Superman, who was about to put the needle in me that I was sorry. That I hadn't been drinking enough today and he might have a problem finding a vein. Chris told me later that Superman found it just fine and I guess I shot blood. Enough that the floor had to be cleaned. I was pretty proud of myself! HA, my veins never do that! 

I got a chest x-ray, then a group of three people came in with a couple big machines. Chris and I knew one of the people, he is a member of our church. He reminded me how I knew him and I asked him if his wife is blonde. He said yes, and I told him she needs to eat more. He chuckled and got the rest of the machines set up for the Dr. One of the ladies with him told me that the Dr. was going to put a camera down my throat to see where the food was. Then he was going to put something else down there to get it out. It didn't sound like fun to me. So I was glad when she told me I was going to be given meds to put me into this "twilight" state. Yup, so happy to have no memory of what the Dr. did. After it was all done Chris was allowed back in my room. He was told that I should wake up in about a half an hour. It took me twice as long, and even then I wasn't really ready to be awake. 

There was another guy we know from church that was working at the hospital. He came in and checked on us. Chris said that I woke up and asked if they were done. He told me yes, and I guess I went back to sleep. He said that I did that twice. He also said that when he came back into the room I looked like my Mom, and that scared him a little. 

I was sad that I didn't get to see the piece of food that scared the crap out of me. I don't want to ever go through this again. That was why I wanted to see it. I will be going to a follow up appointment in about a week with the Dr. that got it out for me though. I know that this could have been just that I need to take smaller bites. On the other hand I have been having issues with my throat getting tight after eating certain things. So I am really looking forward to talking to the Dr. to try to get this figured out. 

In the mean time, my throat still hurts a little. I can't laugh without my sides hurting, and I'm eating soft foods and taking baby bites. :D 

Friday, August 22, 2014

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up

I thought that I wanted to be a teacher. 

I can remember a time when I lived in Florida. There was an assembly where kids got to go up on stage and tell everyone what they wanted to be. Everyone was saying a teacher. Lame. Well not lame if you are a teacher. Just that everyone was saying it. I can remember raising my hand to go up and all the way thinking "do not say a teacher". I went up there I was smiling, then it was my turn to be asked. 
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" 
A microphone got put in my face, I froze!
Then I said, "A teacher" Ahhh!!! 
The power of the microphone and all those people staring at me!

Now I know that I could go back to school and become a teacher, but I figured out a while ago, that's not for me. So then what? What am I good at? I've been asked, and I always say, "I don't know". It's sad I know. I have been what ever I needed to be at the time. Let's see I have been a shampoo girl, blue jean sales girl, a beauty advisor. I have worked in the men's department of a big box store. I have signed up with a few direct sales companies. I've been a photographer, a cashier for a car dealership, and a barista. 

I'm all over the place right? 

So let's get back to what I love to do. I do love being around people until, well they start to annoy me. Then I have to be alone for a while to get back to my happy place! I like helping people anyway I can. I like it when my home is clean and everything is where it belongs. In fact it drives me a little, (some people would say more than a little) crazy when there are things being "displayed" that shouldn't be. I won't name names, but when dishes get put away there always seem to be a few that don't get homes. Then when groceries get put away, some of those hang out on the counter for a couple days also. I don't know if I got this way because I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather was a Realtor, and my Gram would always have the house "model home" ready at all times. Saturdays were always chore day and as much as I hated it once I became a teenager. I love doing it now. 

Is this something I can do and make money doing? Cleaning? 
Ahh do I really want to clean someone else's bathroom. No. 
So that idea was down the drain! (See what I did there? I crack myself up!) But wait I still love cleaning, helping people and I am a little (again some people might say more than a little) OCD about having things in their place. 

What about a Professional Organizer? 

Now I know you probably came to that conclusion before I did. I had been throwing around the idea for a while now. If you have read any of my older posts, I wrote about taking an online class. It so happens the class is to become a professional organizer. In a couple more weeks I will have a fancy certificate saying that I have completed the course. In the mean time I need to get a portfolio together. Anyone want some help with your house, office and/or busy schedule? :D 
I'm your girl!! 

Friday, May 30, 2014

It's All In My Head

I ran today but my heart is sad. 
I woke up at 3:20AM from a bad dream about body image. I just tossed and turned until 5:00AM. Even now remembering it makes me sad. I have been doing much better with how I feel about myself. I feel and even have days that I look pretty. I am proud that I have been getting out there and running. That I call myself a runner. Even though what I am able to do is probably not running. I am still out there. I can give all the excuses as to why today's run was half of what I had been doing the two runs before. 

*I ran in a tank top this morning. It was cold and I was hoping that was going to get me to run faster. 
*Once I started to run I knew right away I didn't have enough support for my girls. 
*I didn't have the right songs playing when I needed them. I really need to get new songs on my phone. 
*My breathing was off. 
*I didn't eat or drink anything before I left for the run. 
*Very Very tired.

All good excuses but the real reason is, I let my head take over. I couldn't push through the bad dream an knowing that my 8.15 mile was probably wrong, and that I am still not ok with what my body looks like. Seeing my shadow this morning really doesn't help this. On top of that the scale is not moving. Other than the couple pounds up and down. My clothes are fitting better. Probably because my tatas are getting smaller. :/  

So how do I push pasted this? 

I need to remember it didn't take me a few weeks to put all this weight on. That it's going to take a while for it to come off. That I am not on anybody elses time line but my own. That muscle weights more than fat. That once my pregnant friend has her baby that I might have to wait for her to catch up this time. I need to change my workout around a little. I need to get on my bike!! 

Anyone else have any advise on how to push past this? How do you not let your head take over? What do you say to yourself to push past it? 
Today's run. I am very happy about my mile time. 
Little by little I am shaving that time down. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Rock Booger

Ah yes a trip to the ER is always fun right? 
Well no not really. 
How about when you have your almost five year old stick a green rock up her nose? Right after she got a bath and got pj's on. 
How about then? My vote, nope still not fun. 

FUNNY, yes!

Due to the fact I was freaking out that I couldn't get it out and that we did in fact have to go to the ER to get it removed. Ah this kid. This is the kid that also ate a penny. That she later threw up. This is the kid that then knew where all the ATM's where when we were driving because we made her repeat. 
"I am not an ATM, I do not put money in my mouth"

Friday, May 23, 2014

Week One

So much of me wanted to stay in bed this morning. I went to bed late last night. I had gotten a iTunes gift card and was picking out songs and getting some more of my library on the iPod. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. I guess I should play around with iTunes more often. Once I did go to bed I fell right to sleep. I didn't even move until Chris tried waking me up. He told me what time it was and I made a sound. You know the one that's not a "yes or a no", or a "I'm up or go away". It's just a sound so he knew I heard him. Once I did that though I was up. It sucks. Then I saw what time it was I really got moving. I was going to make Whitney late for school it I didn't. I got out the door and dropped my phone, again. Shhh don't tell Verizon!! My goals for today? Don't fall, and don't stop running until the half way mark. I got both of them!!! I only stopped twice to get my breathing under control. This Sunday is a virtual 5K. I have mapped my route out and I am looking forward to it. 

I need to take a minute to toot that horn of mine. I am a big girl. I have had two kids and have not taken care of myself in all these years since. That is changing. I am so proud of myself. I have ran five times this week. FIVE!! That's more than when I was going to the gym! Now I will add that I was on the bike for 6 miles before a mile run then the treadmill for cool down, but still!! OH my bike.....huh. Well that's something I will have to think about! So what I am trying to say, do something for yourself. That makes your heart sing!! Only you can do that for yourself.

Today's selfie!! 
Was it a fast run? No. Was it a long run? No. Who cares? I don't, because I got out there and DID IT!! 
TOOT flipping TOOT!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Moving: Almost done!

No news is good news right? 
Or is it that I am just buried under boxes and I can finally reach my laptop? Who knows at this point, lol. We have three more days before we get the keys to the new place and we have boxes every where!! At one point I looked up and really thought that one of the top boxes was just going to fall on me. I feel like we are in a good place, packing wise. We have a good amount done. With our plan to get even more done tomorrow. Chris is off this coming Friday though Thursday. By the end he will really be missing work, I am sure. 

I have found one thing that I like about moving. Throwing stuff away, and donating things. Now this is fun!!! I went through the bathroom this weekend. I had Chris and Whitney in there with me. I was in the shower pulling things from one of those shower corner caddie things. 

I would say, "Do you use it? How long ago? Do you need it for the next seven days?" 
I would get back, "Yes, or sometimes, I'm not sure, and no" 
Then when they left I would threw it away. No, not really! 
I would give them the look like, "You're not going to use it and you know it. So you should just throw it away before I do" look. 

I look at the bathroom now and it feels so good. There is a lot less crap every where. Speaking of that, where does it all come from? My gosh. We have two bars of soap, six shower gels, three lofas, is that even how you spell that? Two razors, two cans of shave gel. Oh and the shampoo and conditioner, baby bubble bath, baby shampoo and a cup to rinse, in the corners. We are a family of four, who needs all that crap? Well I guess we do. Or we are just to lazy to clean it out?  

Friday, April 18, 2014

Time for a Change

It's like having a bad hair day over and over. 

Then you finally book an appointment to get it cut and that day your hair looks great. That's when I start to tell myself, maybe I don't need to get it cut. Look at how good it looks. Is it really a good hair day or is it that your so relieved to be getting it cut? That it just looks better to you?

That's kind of how Chris and I are right now. We have had so many bad days, but once he booked an appointment to go see someone. Things got better. We started to talk to one another, nicer. We worked together doing the budget without that many issues. We were even on the same page with parenting. 

We have gone to the counselor twice. The first appointment, I felt great afterwards. I felt that she really heard what I was saying. I can only speak for myself though. I did tell Chris that at any point he doesn't feel like she is helping him or he doesn't like her we can find someone else to go see. Just because I like her doesn't mean that he does and I want this to work. So I will not see her as a couple if that's what it takes. Now, he didn't say anything about not liking her and he feels the same way I do about this. 

So.... we did have fights that week. He was working on a Sunday! When his job is closed. He wouldn't even known about the call if he didn't have his work cell phone on. AND well we got into a fight over him spending 1.06. Well at least we had things to talk about for this last week!! 

She gave us a couple of things to work on. She even wants us to plan a night that he gets off work on time and then do something, together, as a couple. What is that even look like anymore? 

Chris picked Friday night, as in tonight to be off on time. Our big plans you ask? Getting stuff for Easter and then then ice cream. No it's not a weekend in warm weather. It's not even a night in the city. BUT what it is, is a start. A start to getting to know each other again. A start to being able to trust him again. I am so looking forward to this I can not even tell you. 


Sunday, April 6, 2014

We Are Back on the Diet

The Financial Peace diet. 

This time around though Chris is with me. We have missed one of the weeks due to us fighting. That's ok. We can always go online and watch it. I am the Nerd, he is the Free Spirit, and oh boy is he ever!!! I do the budget and everything has been ok. I have missed a few things each time and I have to re-do it. Then I get crabby but he has been right there with me. Telling me I can do it. I normally tell him at that point that he is sucking up so he doesn't have to do it. I got this weeks budget done last night and we went through it this morning. We did have to change a few things around. (GRRR!! There is always something!) Totally my fault this time, I want Avery's spring pictures. So that wasn't something we knew about until I got them in her cubbie on Friday. Surprise!! 

Well we went through the rest of the bills and talked about planning a week worth of meals. This has been a big fight for us for many many years. This time I promised him that I found something that was going to make it so much easier for us. The blog that I found, "themed" everyday of the week. You have to check it out. Chris was excited, yes you didn't read that wrong. Well, OK, he was as excited as he could be about picking themes and planning meals. LOL. 

So off to Walmart we went, together, on a Saturday. Yes I know we are insane. Everything was good until I forgot the list. Although I did write it twice, once to get all the ingredients, and second to get everything in order of the aisles. (so many I am the only one that's insane?) Whitney was able to take a picture of it and save my booty, I mean send it to Chris. It didn't take as long as I thought to get everything we needed. Also there was only a couple of people that I wanted to ram with the cart. 

Once we got to the check out though, Chris turned into a three year old child.
Chris, "Can I get a drink?"
Me, "No"
Chris, "But I need something"
Me, "No, that one bottle is half the price of a 12 pack. I would rather you go get a 12 pack." 

*Off Ramp Warning*
 I have to say, shopping for us is hard. Both of us hate going and doing it together I am surprised we made it to check out. ;)
Also we had already reached are week allowance for food.
So there was no way buying pop was going to happen.

Chris,"Can I get a candy bar then?"
Me, "No."
Chris, "But I am hungry."
Me, "So am I. Although I know I didn't burn as many calories as you did today, but still. Suck it up!"
I don't think that he said anything else after that. ;)
This whole process is hard but it's teaching us we don't need all of those over processed snacks and pop. We have the money for what we need, not what we want. 

The end of this story is we need to have more family time. What are we going to be getting with using a budget? Family time. It's starting at the dinner table. There is even a night that Whitney can cook. This week it's only putting frozen pizzas in the oven but it's a start!!

Friday, April 4, 2014

Online Class

So I have started taking a class online, for the first time ever. 

I thought that this would be a good idea. I don't know now. I have not been in a "class" well for a lot of years. We do not need to get into numbers here people. I have been reading and of course they are asking you questions like if you do this, then maybe you shouldn't be in this class, sort of thing. Or you should really have this in place before you think you can ever do it professionally. So I have really been thinking, what was I thinking?? I got through the first lesson. I did the assignment and then the quiz. I keep checking back to see if it's been graded yet. (It hasn't been) I have moved onto the second lesson and have even completed those assignments and quiz. AND I am still waiting....I keep thinking that I don't want to move onto the next lesson until I have the grades from the other two first. What if I failed everything? What if I can't do anything to bring up my grade? What if I am totally off the mark on how I answered the questions? Would I be able to go back and re-do the assignments? I have to have a final grade of 71 to pass, but who wants that? 


                         still "Under Review"

AUGH!!! Come on, please just grade something! 


Two of the five have been graded!!! I got 25/25 and then 52.5/55. So you are currently reading a blog of an A student!!! Woot Woot!!