We have filed for divorce and in a couple days it will be final.
This will not come to a surprise to my close friends and family that I have reached out to. Why the need/want to share it publicly? Because I have people in my life, and Chris's, that feel the need to speak into our lives about things they do not know about or understand. No one truly knows what happens in a marriage that ends. Can you really point to one thing that made everything else change? I would say yes, if he abused me in some way. That's not the case. Chris and I have been together for 17 years. We both want different things and we have known that for a very long time.
We grew up and grew apart.
We have been talking about it for a while now. Well maybe I have been talking about it for a while and he has just listened to it. We have been to a counselor to try to work out some of our issues. One of the earlier appointments, she told me that I needed to figure out what makes me happy, that I HAD to pick something. "You can no longer look to him to make you happy". That really was a light bulb moment for me. I couldn't ignore it. I had to listen to her. For my marriage and more importantly, myself. I started to do things that I had been wanting to do but didn't because he never wanted to do them. I made plans with friends and kept them. I started a class online. I refocused on my Type 2. I found a new place to live that was closer to the girls schools, closer to family, with three bedrooms and a dish washer! That first week I ran five times. My bike was even dusted off! I started to sing again.
What happened wasn't planned.
I really did go into this with hope that we could figure this out. I took my vows very seriously and was trying to do everything I could to make it work. We worked on the budget together. We even had date nights. We continued going to see the counselor, we still are. There just comes a time in life that you know that what ever you do, nothing is going to fix it. That doesn't mean that we don't have love for each other. It just means that it's just not enough to stay together. I found a part of myself that I lost a lot of years ago. That part of me isn't ok with going through life not happy. I want a chance to stand on my own two feet and do life the way I want to. That means without being married.
All that being said. This is not going to be the typical divorce. We don't hate each other. We are trying to make this co-parenting thing work. We made these kids together and we are going to do the best to still raise them together. So you might see us together as a family still. No that doesn't mean we are back together or working on it. It means we have enough respect for each other to hang out as a family.
I'm not and with the help of Chris, wanting to tell everyone this so more people can tell us what they think we should do. Right or wrong, we are doing what is right for us. I really hope everyone can respect that.
Starts With Goodbye by Carrie Underwood
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.