Friday, May 30, 2014

It's All In My Head

I ran today but my heart is sad. 
I woke up at 3:20AM from a bad dream about body image. I just tossed and turned until 5:00AM. Even now remembering it makes me sad. I have been doing much better with how I feel about myself. I feel and even have days that I look pretty. I am proud that I have been getting out there and running. That I call myself a runner. Even though what I am able to do is probably not running. I am still out there. I can give all the excuses as to why today's run was half of what I had been doing the two runs before. 

*I ran in a tank top this morning. It was cold and I was hoping that was going to get me to run faster. 
*Once I started to run I knew right away I didn't have enough support for my girls. 
*I didn't have the right songs playing when I needed them. I really need to get new songs on my phone. 
*My breathing was off. 
*I didn't eat or drink anything before I left for the run. 
*Very Very tired.

All good excuses but the real reason is, I let my head take over. I couldn't push through the bad dream an knowing that my 8.15 mile was probably wrong, and that I am still not ok with what my body looks like. Seeing my shadow this morning really doesn't help this. On top of that the scale is not moving. Other than the couple pounds up and down. My clothes are fitting better. Probably because my tatas are getting smaller. :/  

So how do I push pasted this? 

I need to remember it didn't take me a few weeks to put all this weight on. That it's going to take a while for it to come off. That I am not on anybody elses time line but my own. That muscle weights more than fat. That once my pregnant friend has her baby that I might have to wait for her to catch up this time. I need to change my workout around a little. I need to get on my bike!! 

Anyone else have any advise on how to push past this? How do you not let your head take over? What do you say to yourself to push past it? 
Today's run. I am very happy about my mile time. 
Little by little I am shaving that time down. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Rock Booger

Ah yes a trip to the ER is always fun right? 
Well no not really. 
How about when you have your almost five year old stick a green rock up her nose? Right after she got a bath and got pj's on. 
How about then? My vote, nope still not fun. 

FUNNY, yes!

Due to the fact I was freaking out that I couldn't get it out and that we did in fact have to go to the ER to get it removed. Ah this kid. This is the kid that also ate a penny. That she later threw up. This is the kid that then knew where all the ATM's where when we were driving because we made her repeat. 
"I am not an ATM, I do not put money in my mouth"

Friday, May 23, 2014

Week One

So much of me wanted to stay in bed this morning. I went to bed late last night. I had gotten a iTunes gift card and was picking out songs and getting some more of my library on the iPod. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. I guess I should play around with iTunes more often. Once I did go to bed I fell right to sleep. I didn't even move until Chris tried waking me up. He told me what time it was and I made a sound. You know the one that's not a "yes or a no", or a "I'm up or go away". It's just a sound so he knew I heard him. Once I did that though I was up. It sucks. Then I saw what time it was I really got moving. I was going to make Whitney late for school it I didn't. I got out the door and dropped my phone, again. Shhh don't tell Verizon!! My goals for today? Don't fall, and don't stop running until the half way mark. I got both of them!!! I only stopped twice to get my breathing under control. This Sunday is a virtual 5K. I have mapped my route out and I am looking forward to it. 

I need to take a minute to toot that horn of mine. I am a big girl. I have had two kids and have not taken care of myself in all these years since. That is changing. I am so proud of myself. I have ran five times this week. FIVE!! That's more than when I was going to the gym! Now I will add that I was on the bike for 6 miles before a mile run then the treadmill for cool down, but still!! OH my bike.....huh. Well that's something I will have to think about! So what I am trying to say, do something for yourself. That makes your heart sing!! Only you can do that for yourself.

Today's selfie!! 
Was it a fast run? No. Was it a long run? No. Who cares? I don't, because I got out there and DID IT!! 
TOOT flipping TOOT!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Moving: Almost done!

No news is good news right? 
Or is it that I am just buried under boxes and I can finally reach my laptop? Who knows at this point, lol. We have three more days before we get the keys to the new place and we have boxes every where!! At one point I looked up and really thought that one of the top boxes was just going to fall on me. I feel like we are in a good place, packing wise. We have a good amount done. With our plan to get even more done tomorrow. Chris is off this coming Friday though Thursday. By the end he will really be missing work, I am sure. 

I have found one thing that I like about moving. Throwing stuff away, and donating things. Now this is fun!!! I went through the bathroom this weekend. I had Chris and Whitney in there with me. I was in the shower pulling things from one of those shower corner caddie things. 

I would say, "Do you use it? How long ago? Do you need it for the next seven days?" 
I would get back, "Yes, or sometimes, I'm not sure, and no" 
Then when they left I would threw it away. No, not really! 
I would give them the look like, "You're not going to use it and you know it. So you should just throw it away before I do" look. 

I look at the bathroom now and it feels so good. There is a lot less crap every where. Speaking of that, where does it all come from? My gosh. We have two bars of soap, six shower gels, three lofas, is that even how you spell that? Two razors, two cans of shave gel. Oh and the shampoo and conditioner, baby bubble bath, baby shampoo and a cup to rinse, in the corners. We are a family of four, who needs all that crap? Well I guess we do. Or we are just to lazy to clean it out?