Friday, May 30, 2014

It's All In My Head

I ran today but my heart is sad. 
I woke up at 3:20AM from a bad dream about body image. I just tossed and turned until 5:00AM. Even now remembering it makes me sad. I have been doing much better with how I feel about myself. I feel and even have days that I look pretty. I am proud that I have been getting out there and running. That I call myself a runner. Even though what I am able to do is probably not running. I am still out there. I can give all the excuses as to why today's run was half of what I had been doing the two runs before. 

*I ran in a tank top this morning. It was cold and I was hoping that was going to get me to run faster. 
*Once I started to run I knew right away I didn't have enough support for my girls. 
*I didn't have the right songs playing when I needed them. I really need to get new songs on my phone. 
*My breathing was off. 
*I didn't eat or drink anything before I left for the run. 
*Very Very tired.

All good excuses but the real reason is, I let my head take over. I couldn't push through the bad dream an knowing that my 8.15 mile was probably wrong, and that I am still not ok with what my body looks like. Seeing my shadow this morning really doesn't help this. On top of that the scale is not moving. Other than the couple pounds up and down. My clothes are fitting better. Probably because my tatas are getting smaller. :/  

So how do I push pasted this? 

I need to remember it didn't take me a few weeks to put all this weight on. That it's going to take a while for it to come off. That I am not on anybody elses time line but my own. That muscle weights more than fat. That once my pregnant friend has her baby that I might have to wait for her to catch up this time. I need to change my workout around a little. I need to get on my bike!! 

Anyone else have any advise on how to push past this? How do you not let your head take over? What do you say to yourself to push past it? 
Today's run. I am very happy about my mile time. 
Little by little I am shaving that time down. 

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