Friday, December 21, 2012

Holiday Heartbreak

Hello Friends. 

  It's been a while.

  I needed a break. 

   Like everyone that has lost anyone close to you, the holidays are really the hardest. I think that I'm having a really hard time due to my Mom being in the hospital.  She has been in there since June. Well has been to lets see, five different places in that time period. With the bulk of the time being in a place that Avery could not go and see her. My Mom has been doing better then had to be taken back to the hospital twice. She is there now. When she went back into the hospital the first time, it was so hard on me. I thought that she was doing so much better. Then a set back. This whole thing started with an infection in her mouth that traveled into her jaw. She has since had all of her bottom teeth removed, and reminds me
so much of my Gram. I miss my Mom. She wasn't the greatest Mom ever, she did the best she could. In the last few years we have really become close. I miss talking to her on the phone. She would come up and stay with my family and I for the weekend. Avery and her got to be really close. She has missed out on my sister's birthday, my brother-in-laws birthday. The kids going back to school. Chris's birthday, my birthday, Her birthday, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. She is just so young, it breaks my heart to even think that this could be the road to the end. I pray that she gets better. That it's just going to take a while, but like a lot of things in my life I don't want to wait. I want it to happen now!! I want the Mom that I talked to almost everyday. The one that wouldn't drive at night, in rain, or snow. The Mom that wore sweatshirts two or three times to big for her body. The one I could see over her head because she was shrinking. I feel like the little kid the morning of Christmas, looking forward to unwrapping my presents. All I want is to have my Mom here with a bow on her head. The only present I want. 

If you pray, please pray for God's will to be done. 

I love you and miss you Mom. Please get better soon. 

Last year, my Mom and Avery. Best Buddies. 


  1. I hope your Mom will get better soon. Please say hi and Merry Christmas to her from Linda and me. We have been thinking of her and saying a prayer for her.


  2. Oh, I held it together until the photo. What a great photo!!! :(
    You know I know all to well how you're feeling. Timmy and my mom were so close too. And she and I talked every day too, sometimes 5 times a day. She was my best friend, I've never had another friendship like that. I always feel like I"m intruding with anyone else if I call them to ask them a dumb question (thank god for google and social media at least some of my dumb questions still get answered) but I could call her every ten minutes if I needed. It totally sucks and it feels so unfair. And I think it's ok to feel whatever we feel. Sometimes I was angry, mostly I was sad. Sad for me, sad for my kids, especially Bryan who never really got to know her at all. But then I tried to remember what she would want, especially when the special days came around. She would have wanted me to make the best of those days for my kids! Its hard and in some ways it gets easier but even three years later there are days when I sit and cry when I think of all the things she's missed and all those that are left ahead that she won't be there for.

    1. Lisa,
      Thanks for sharing. I know that it's not easy, it's your Mommy. I know in the next few days and weeks are going to be the hardest. Thanks for being a great friend.