I would say we have progress if Whitney had to remind me on Saturday that Friday was three years to the date since the fire. I am very glad that I wasn't obsessing about the day and that it slipped right by me. I am still having flash backs and issues with smells. The smell of burning leaves that once was the reason to never live anywhere else, has become one of the smells I try to avoid. People that smoke really annoy me. Well that one is for a couple of reasons not just because of the fire. It is obvious that we have gotten back to living. I have tons of piles of papers, again. My home is not a clean, everyday, as it once was. I am not making my bed everyday.
This is now the place we've been for the most of Avery's life. Yet all I can think of is getting out of here. This summer, if it kills me. We will be moving into a house!!! I would like to have a three bedroom, two bath house. Backyard, dining room, good size kitchen. Basement would be a must! Two car garage that is attached would be wonderful! Yet I would give almost all of that up to just be out of here. The plan is to look on the south side, so we can be closer to family and friends.
Although the plan was to not even be where we are now a year. Here it is three years later. I think that we are both scared. Not knowing what to expect once we get into a house. If things break, the cost of fixing them. The whole up keep, and extra bills. It is scary. I don't know a lot of people that have gone into the whole house buying experience and not freak out about signing all of those papers. The common thing that I have heard is, it feels like your signing your life away.
My worry is who do I trust with my home loan and to find a house? I don't really care for my bank, but it has just been bought out from another credit union. Would that be a good thing or not. There are times like now that I feel very ignorant. Maybe it is something you learn while going through it. I just don't work that way. I want to know what to expect step by step.
What I dream of with having my first house. Princess will finally be able to come home with us. To paint the walls what ever color(s) I want. To put holes in the walls. To mark how tall the girls are. That I think is the most important to me. I think that seeing those marks on the wall tells the story of your home and family.
Please pray for my family that we stay strong in moving forward to reaching this goal. Not only for ourselves, to prove that can do it, but for our girls.